AFEM Member Thought Piece: “I Am Not A Thing” by Daniel Clarke (NexGen Music)
“I Am Not A Thing”
by Daniel Clarke
Almost every morning the first thing I do when I wake up is to check the BBC website for the latest news. After tapping the icon on my mobile I am geolocated over to the US news feed where I glaze over the top headlines of the day. It’s pretty much the same thing these days: the dreadful Coronavirus, Trump, and the disastrous state of race relations that has polarized the nation since the unfortunate and preventable killing of George Floyd on May 25, 2020, by a Minneapolis police officer.
I began writing this article with the intention of sharing my experiences as a person of color working in the music industry. But I decided that doesn’t really make any sense, because being and living as a person of color, which in my case is black, is a life journey. For me, being black is to also be a thing. What I mean by this, is that we are not only seen to be different due to the color of our skin, we are often treated differently and stigmatized as “things” instead of people.
In 1980 I was immigrated to the UK from the US as a small child and spent the latter twelve of twenty-two years based in the South East London area. I returned to the US in 2002 with dual citizenship. As a young black person growing up in the UK, I recall being involved in a few racist incidents here and there over the years. It was the typical thing that you would expect back then, mostly racist name calling and bigotry from a select few. I have also been on the receiving end of what I describe to be covert and passive-aggressive prejudice exhibited by various former employers (and their employees). I encountered some hairy moments while travelling through a few of the neighborhoods generally considered to be off-limits to blacks, however, nothing too traumatic sticks to mind. Despite all of this, I consider myself extremely fortunate to have grown-up deeply immersed in early UK underground music and rave culture, where most of my friends and circles were of mixed ethnicities and we were all about the Black & White Unite movement. In many ways for me those were the good old days and an unforgettable moment in UK history with regards to its relationship with race. There was a real coming together of people through the vessel of UK underground music, especially the earlier Acid House, Hardcore, Breakbeat, Jungle, Drum & Bass and UK Garagemusic scenes that came to the fore during that period. The innovation that came out of this era has go to down as one of the golden moments in modern music phenomena. The result has left an everlasting imprint on music as we know it today.
So… back to this thing about being black, and this other “thing” called race. What is race anyway, and where did it come from? I recently tried to explain the concept of race to my 7 and 4 year old boys (mixed black and white), which I found to be a tricky topic to navigate with them. Their curiosity has piqued due to the amount of attention my wife and I have been giving this subject in recent months. Later that day, still bothered by the conversation I turned to Wikipedia. The provided definitions proved not much help, so I decided to research a different angle, which was to find out how white people identify with race. I reached out to some of my closest friends. What was interesting is that when I asked my friends how they identify as being part of the white race, most of them were stumped at how to answer this question. Much to my surprise they were unable to universally identify and articulate the cultural, political, economic and historic clues that tell them they are part of whiteness, and what whiteness as a race truly means. The irony here is that it is white people that invented the races along with their corresponding racist epithets. Isn’t it white people of yesteryear that forced other races to accept race labels, of which these labels have been subsequently used to separate humanity?
Before I go on, I must share with you that I have the honor to love and be associated with some of the most AMAZING people in my life. The majority of these people are white. That’s just what it is. If it wasn’t for these people loving me, along with all of the other people in my life that have opened doors and given me a chance to prove myself, I would likely not be sitting here alive and as fortunate as I am today.
Brainstorming this article forced me to really sit down and examine my own experiences with racism. It feels really weird. I didn’t realize how suppressed my feelings were on the topic until now. I have reasoned that this is due to the fact that I have been so busy doing and going about my life in a way that refuses to accept that other people and their xenophobic views have any control over me. I ooze confidence in mostly everything that I do and approach and have a lust and thirst for proving myself – to myself. Failure just isn’t an option for me. I think I have rationalized that entertaining racism gets in the way of my productivity and thinking, and therefore being subjected to racism isn’t really real for me – even though my foreconscious is aware of it in everything I do, and the way people see and interact with me every day. I have never been one to play the “race card” even when it’s blatantly obvious that I am being discriminated against. Now, I suspect this is the part where some folks will jump in and say “This! You see! If black people just stop dwelling on the past and look forwards, grind and be hard-working they can be just as successful as white people.” But that’s not really true is it? Nor is it fair to the reality of many black peoples, especially Black Americans, from my personal experience. So now it’s time to come clean – to myself – about my troubling thoughts and experiences being black.
The things that bother me about living my life as a black person
Being seen as a “thing.” To be often regarded as inferior based purely on the color of my skin.
Feeling sad when you see and treat other black people as a threat (social conditioning).
Constantly feeling in danger of losing everything you have by being discredited or unjustly indicted by white people (this has happened to me on too many occasions).
Feeling insulted and patronized when someone compliments you on how “educated” you sound, or how “well-behaved” you are.
Having to dress, behave and do things a certain way to gain acceptance and approval from white people.
Being seen to be overly aggressive or “angry” – especially when describing black youth (studies show that black children are likely conscious of racism and bias as early as 4 years old, maybe even earlier. It’s a societal and institutional issue).
Feeling like somebody is always watching me (most of the time they are).
Feeling sad inside whenever you get the “purse-clutch” or “crossing the other side of the street” treatment.
Feeling sad that when police brutality is broadcast on the news how it could have been you or someone you love.
Feeling sad that black people are often valued only as a form of entertainment (think music, sports, comedy, etc.).
Being regarded as a fetish.
Feeling guilty about going out of your way NOT to engage with other people on the subject of race (white or black), in an effort to avoid any discomfort for either them or myself.
Getting overlooked and denied for things like career advancements, partnerships, and investment opportunities – even when you are the best candidate, your paperwork is right, your business plan is solid, and you already have a demonstrated model for success.
If you have taken the time to read this far you are probably thinking “right, yes we get it and have heard all of this before. We don’t need another analysis or opinion piece on the problem, we need solutions!” Sorry to disappoint. I knew going into this that I would have no fresh answers or solutions to offer. And while this exercise has given me a platform to express my thoughts, feelings and experiences with enthusiasm and a sense of self-enlightenment, the process has left me feeling a bit helpless and vulnerable. I’m just a guy trying to live my life while preparing the next generation of my family to survive in a world that may not like or be kind to them. I like many of us wish I had the sole power to change us. To rewrite history in a way that sees this play out differently, where we all live together in sweet harmony… (I can hear the classic UK 1992 Hardcore/Breakbeat track entitled ‘Sweet Harmony’ play out in my head as I type).
Getting back to music. I can say that being a product of the UK underground Black & White Unite music culture is something that I have carried through into our label, NexGen Music. We are into our 17th year as a music group and an organization with values rooted in diversity and inclusion; representing all nationalities, cultures, races, gender identities, and artists coping with mental disabilities. We also donate many hours to artist and youth mentoring. This is something that I am immensely proud of and is my own little way of using our platform to null racism and oppression. This is how we express our love for ALL people. We are also located in the Washington, D.C area, which happens to be a historically majority minority-occupied city and home to one of the largest LGBTQ communities in the nation. There is so much opportunity to engage here and across the US. I would really love to do more in all of these areas, however, time and capital is always a concern. We welcome any additional partnership or support.
Here is something that you may find interesting and cool. We recently signed a young soul, funk and R&B band from Russia. Hearing their story of how they became interested in these specific genres revealed a fascinating tale of the suppression of black music at a national level when these genres were becoming popular globally. And after discovering this “lost generation” of music, this artist group formed as a throwback to that suppression. Think about it, here we have a group of young white Russian artists connecting with a record label owned by a black guy based in the US, with us all coming together to support their love for black music. There is racial and geopolitical irony here at all levels. The scenario is kind of amazing actually!
So, I now ask myself, what was I hoping to gain from writing this article? Well, I went into this without any preconceived ideas, strategy or agenda. I put pen to paper and just let the words flow. But now reading back I feel vindicated that even without breaking any new ground, offering a conscious awareness around the very real and ongoing life experience of living in colored skin is worth sharing – if only to plant a seed or two within a handful of open and receptive minds. I realize that some of the topics I have raised may make some people feel uncomfortable. Maybe that is a good thing.
While I am fully aware that racism and gender diversity-inequality are still huge issues in the music industry today, I fully believe that music is one of the strongest platforms and equalizers that we have in our collective arsenal to eradicate oppression in many of its forms. Racism and oppression is a vicious cycle and it needs to stop. We need to put aside any biases that we may carry, consciously or subconsciously. We need to communicate with each other with understanding and empathy. We are all people. We breathe the same air, feel the same physical pain, and bleed the same blood. We are one. And it’s about time that we start treating each other as people, instead of as the OTHER. As things.
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Daniel Clarke is the Founder and CEO of NexGen Music – a multi-genre music group headquartered in Washington, DC Metro, USA. NexGen also operates a music retreat where artists, musicians and creatives can get come together and collaborate with purpose.
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